Oops! X Rated!

So this is how the stick people became extinct!

This might make you smile!

"Why YES! Yes I WOULD like to talk with you about the end of the world!" "Think carefully, and then tell yourself about me." "Face it Fred - you're lost!" Awww... too bad! "...and then I heard a loud bang and when I turned back, he was gone!" "We usually shop in the comfort of our own home, but the bloody computer crashed." "It's the latest innovation in office safety. When your computer crashes, an air bag is activated so you won't bang your head in frustration." The most effective birth control known to man. "Nurse, get on the internet, go to SURGERY.COM, scroll down and click on the 'Are you totally lost?' icon."

A Short History of Blogging

Bloggers were invented ca. 300 AD, and were originally called "monks." Like their distant descendents, monks had shitty haircuts, and never got laid. LOL! Sounds just like me!

Basic Instructions for New Dads!

LOL! Happy Father's Day!

Funny Travel Ads

Ever been here? The ads read: Did your trip start out horribly? Sixt will reward you royally!

Jesus Cartoons with a Twist

Aim for the one with the crutches. "Shut the fuck up, Jesus." No, really. A jump to conclusions mat has to be one of the dumbest fucking ideas I've ever heard of.

A Quicker Bath

A quicker bath can save lives!

Gas prices getting you down?

This probably won't help much, but it might make you smile about it just a little. They're cheaper than buying gas for the mower. No I'm not kidding, it's cheaper. Please enter your card number... please wait. Please enter the make and model of your car, followed by your annual salary... please wait. Your loan has been approved... you may fill up. Oh shut up! "Back in 1952, gas cost 20 cents a gallon. When you rolled up to the pumps, three guys came out and checked your oil and your tires and cleaned your windows." "This must be that thing they call SENILITY." "When I was your age, I had to walk six miles through snow to get to school." "So your parents couldn't afford gas either..." And we're registered at Shell, Mobil, BP, and Texaco. Spend your tax refund here! The next item in our catalogue is a can of premium unleaded.

Smile!

Don't think you can conjure up a smile today? Here are some great instructions on how to "fake it till you make it". (click to enlarge) It must work because I'm smiling now!

Being Kind

Ways to kill someone with kindness: Keep vacuuming the apartment - until there's no oxygen left in it! Make sure the poison is extra yummy. Build giant concrete art installation of the word "kindness", wait until the right moment to tip it over. Give them puppy-dog eyes and ask pretty please if you can decapitate them. One too many soft pillows... Live with someone for five years without ever doing a single household chore and then suddenly clean the entire apartment really well and watch them die of a heart attack. LOL.